


From us, 2000 years from now

by ryiason



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Drama, F/F, F/M, Fix-It, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Manga Spoilers, Mystery, Time Loop, Violence, recreation of canon aot hopefully it works
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-13 11:27:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29900385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryiason/pseuds/ryiason
Summary: No recollections. Broken memories. And a ghost talking in their heads.What could possibly go wrong?
Comments: 5
Kudos: 7





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> for your viewing pleasure:
> 
> italics: memories  
> italics and bold: voices
> 
> some of the memories will be confusing because most of them get mixed up.
> 
> italic in sentences: that's just me being obsessed with italics.

_"I know, I'm asking for too much--"_

_Where the fuck am I? What is this place? Why is there nothing here? What the fuck is this?_

_"-- but you're my only hope._ Our _only hope --"_

_ImscaredImscaredImscaredImscareImscared_

_"-- everyone will die if you don't do anything! Please, please, please--"_

_Whywhywhywhywhywhywhy?!_

_"-- please save Eren, Armin, Mikasa and everyone!"_

_Please save Eren, Armin, Mikasa and everyone!_

_Save Eren Armin, Mikasa and everyone!_

_Save --_

  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  


"Eren, Armin, Mikasa! Make sure not to get in trouble, you hear?"

"Yes, mom!"

She breathes in, like she was underwater and breathes out like she's drowning. It's not too far from the truth considering her heart is racing like she ran a marathon and she's sweating like crazy.

Why is she _sweating_? Did she run? Where was she running? Maybe, it's just hot. Maybe…

"Hey, Lyanne!" A knock on the door makes her jump. _Lyanne?_ She thinks. _That's her name?_ The door opens and the voice gets louder. "What are you thinking about? Your kids are having trouble with the water --" whoever is on the door stops talking. "-- you okay? You don't look so good."

"I'm fine." She croaks out. She's surprised she manages to even stand right now, let alone speak. "I'm fine. My kids, yeah? I'll be there…"

"Okay…" the person closes the door.

She -- _Lyanne_ \-- falls down the floor. _Lyanne…_ her name is _Lyanne_ … that doesn't sound or feel real, at all. Kids? She got kids? She's married? Now, she thinks about it -- where the fuck is she? Why can't she remember anything? Not even _her_ name? Did she get into an accident? Is this some kind of a joke?

"Lyanne…" she murmurs her name. Like speaking it would make it _more_ real.

She looks around, realizes that she's basically living in a hell hole. The house doesn't look like a house at all. For some reason, she can remember someone saying, _I wouldn't even raise a rat there_.

Her head aches. "Fuck!"

No warning. Just --

**_It's not your responsibility anymore_ ** _._ A voice. Masculine. Too far away. **_Don't. No, no, no. Don't._ **

She breathes in to calm herself. She must be… crazy. Insane. She can't remember who she is and now she's hearing voices?

She got _kids_. She had kids. She has -- to go. She needs to go. Right now.

She stands up -- Lyanne. Her name is Lyanne. Lyanne stands up, makes herself look presentable and opens the door.

_It's not just the house,_ she thinks. _Everywhere is a hell hole_.

  
  
  
  


\----

  
  
  
  


The _kids_ that she has are… _not_ kids. Teenagers. She has young adults in her hands. She finds them in the forest, collecting woods when the person in her house obviously said _water_.

"We were supposed to get water?" One of them asks. The one with the brown hair. Smaller than Lyanne. Would it be awkward for the mother to ask for her child's name?

"I…" the other one blinks. Red hair. "Wood. I'm sure it was wood."

Lyanne smiles, tries to. "It was water. We got an adequate amount of wood in the house. Bring that back, anyway. I'll help with the water."

"We have a house?" Red Hair says, shocked. "Whoa? A house?"

Brown Hair shrugs. "As it turns out, yes."

"What the fuck?" Red Hair mutters.

Wait a second. Something is wrong here. "You don't know you live in a house?" She asks Red Hair.

"No! I don't! I do?"

Lyanne says slowly. "You don't… remember?"

Red Hair shakes her head.

"You?" Lyanne asks Brown Hair. "Do you remember?"

"No, I could _try_ , if you want."

Now, what is this situation? "My name is Lyanne. We live in the same house. I think people thought I'm your mother."

Brown Hair snorts. "You look too young."

_That_ should feel like a compliment, why does Lyanne feel like she'd been insulted? "Get back with me. To the house. We have to… discuss something." Lyanne says, ignoring the compliment slash insult.

The both of them nod.

Lyanne helps the kids with the wood. They're halfway from their home when they see a fight happening in the alleyway.

"Bully...ing?" Red Hair raises an eyebrow.

Lyanne clicks her tongue. She doesn't want to stop any _fights_ . She's confused, tired and _hungry_.

Brown Hair doesn't look like she wants to step in, either but she stares until she starts walking towards the fight.

"Oi, wait --" Lyanne tries to stop her but her grasp doesn't connect. "Hey! What are you doing?"

Brown Hair just continues walking to the alleyway and _rips_ the children out of each other. Lyanne's eyes widen. _Fuck_ . "Hey, wait!" Brown Hair throws the kids except for _one_.

Brunette. Green eyes. Determination on his face.

" _Eren_." Brown Hair says the name like it's a curse.

"Hey, drop that kid --" before Lyanne can finish her sentence, her eyesight blurs.

_'A kid. On a boat. Water. People. A lot of people. Everything is underwater. Everything. Nothing is clear, nothing._

_"--I'll -- ki-- all!"_

_The voice isn't right either. Like it came from a well. Distorted. Not real._

_Not real._

_A voice. A different one. Says,_ **_it's not your responsibility anymore. It's not, it's not, it's --_ **'

Somebody is throwing up in the background. Lyanne turns around and finds Red Hair bending over, holding her stomach.

"Hey! _Shit!_ You okay?"

"Sorry, I--"

"It's _fine_. Don't worry. Can you stand up?" Lyanne helps Red Hair. She turns her head over a bit and tells Brown Hair, "Let's go."

Brown Hair drops Eren and says, "Stop fighting. We have _other_ things to deal with, you dumbasses."

Lyanne just noticed a blond boy and a girl with a red scarf. Her head aches. She can't do this right now. "Hey, let's go." She repeats. She needs to get far away from here. _All_ of them do.

"It's… not…" Red Hair says.

Lyanne looks at her. "What?"

"It's… not… our… responsibility… anymore…"

Lyanne grits her teeth. "You too?!"

Red Hair laughs, humorlessly. But she doubles over and groans ouf of pain. "Ah, _fuck_."

  
  
  
  


\-----

  
  
  
  


Lyanne manages to take the names of the kids. Not from them but the same person who knocked on her door.

_No water?_ She said. _Blythe and Lia came there for nothing?_

She got a nosy neighbor but thanks to her, she now knows _her_ kids' names.

Blythe is Red Hair and Lia is Brown Hair, she thinks. Hopefully.

They're all sitting down on the dining area of their hell hole house, looking at each other.

"You felt that, right?" Lyanne asks, finally breaking their silence. "The… voice and the… memory."

"The one with the boat?" Lia asks.

"And the voice who says it's not our responsibility?" Blythe adds.

"Yes." Lyanne nods.

"Maybe, we're just insane." Lia suggests. "I mean, it's not _that_ far-fetched. This place is like Satan's butthole."

Lyanne chuckles despite herself. "I wish we were _insane._ " But they're completely sane. These two in front of her are not crazy. They're completely normal.

"But how can you explain those things we just experienced?" Blythe asks, her face contorted.

"You okay?" Lia asks.

"I'm _fine_." Blythe answers. "Just… I don't know. I feel anxious about something. Like, we need to do… I don't know what. But we have to do it."

"Like what?" Lia raises an eyebrow.

"I don't know." Blythe whines. "I don't know. I can't explain it either. But we have to do it. _We have to_."

Lyanne sighs. "Maybe we're just tired. Listen, go and take a rest. I don't think we have an appetite for dinner."

"Speak for yourself." Lia says as she stands up and goes to the kitchen. "I'm hungry."

"Can you make me soup, _Lia?_ " Blythe asks. "My stomach still hurts."

"Yeah. How about you, pseudo- _mother_?"

Lyanne laughs. "Yeah, sure. We got food there? You know what, get out. Let me cook. I don't trust _your_ cooking."

_This is fine_ , Lyanne thinks. _I could live like this._

Even if something doesn't feel right.

Even if there are voices in their heads.

Even if they are in a hell hole.

_We'll be fine_ , Lyanne breathes in.

Famous last words.


	2. That Day - Part 1

Lyanne has felt it before she sees it: the same kid with the emerald eyes and a black hair to pair with it lurking near their home. It's been like this for  _ days _ , she's starting to wonder if his parents know he's here.

She blamed it on Lia, considering she was the one who saved Eren. But Lyanne started feeding Eren like a kitten two days ago, which Lia and Blythe shrug and say,  _ your prison jail time, not ours _ .

Not that there is. The Military Police is as good as their promises,  _ bullshit _ . The first time Lyanne saw one of those, she wanted to punch them. Unmistakably feeling of resentment towards these people who do nothing but drink and act like they own the place.  _ But _ … she does wonder where it came from, the hatred. She wonders if it is one of those memories she had when she saw Eren or how Blythe feels like something has to be done or else she always feels like she's about to take a shit.

She watches at the corner of her eyes as Eren's friends -- Mikasa and Armin -- come to fetch him. Eren doesn't want to, Lyanne can tell, something about watching the three women in this house when all Lyanne is doing outside is cleaning the front yard.

Around this time, Lia and Blythe come back with the water, food and wood. They usually ignore the kids but today, Blythe throws them an apple.

"Share that." She orders.

Lia doesn't stop but Lyanne can see her shirt dirty with tree branches.

"My jail time, Lia?" Lyanne asks, amused.

"You can't prove shit." Lia bites back as she enters the house.

Blythe follows with a sigh.

Lyanne closes the door and looks at them. "You did well."

" _ Titans _ ." Lia says, chuckling; humorlessly.

"Monarchs." Blythe adds with disgust.

Considering they had no memories, they decided to gather information about where they are. Titans, a wall protecting them from that, Military Police, and a Survey Corps that go outside the Walls to do… something.

Lia looks out the window and announces, "Eren is still here. Seriously, what's up with that kid?"

Nobody answers her because there's also the question,  _ the memory they saw _ .

"I'm going to cook." Lyanne decides.

"To feed Eren?" Blythe raises an eyebrow as she organizes the wood. Which she only does when she feels disoriented about something.

Lia snorts. "Of course, to feed Eren. What else?"

Lyanne ignores them and enters the kitchen.

Not before slapping the back of Lia's head.

  
  
  
  
  


\-----

  
  
  
  
  


A  _ few _ days turned into two weeks and Lyanne already had enough. She marches towards Eren, who now also has Mikasa and Armin, and asks, "What do you want?"

"Nothing!" Eren exclaims. "Why? What do you want?"

"Oh, give me patience…" Lyanne mutters to herself. "Come with me. Being outside here, you're scaring me. What if you get kidnapped? It will be my responsibility if you get taken by force!"

Eren smiles like Lyanne just said she'll give him the world. "Okay."

Lyanne looks at the two other kids.

Armin nods and Mikasa says nothing.

**_It's not your responsibility,_ ** the voice says.  **_Not anymore._ **

Lyanne massages her head. That voice… it hasn't visited her for a while. "Get inside the house. I guess you know where it is considering you've been stalking us for  _ weeks? _ "

Eren doesn't look like he's ashamed nor is Mikasa who just follows him. Armin blushes, though. That's alright. At least one of them has  _ manners _ .

Lyanne enters her house as she watches Eren, looking around, Mikasa is sitting in the dining area and Armin checks the books Lia left on the make-shift living room they do. It's just a box as a table and a few dying chairs.

"The sea…" Armin whispers when he opens one of the books. 

**_Not your responsibility,_ ** The voice says again.

_ What is? _ Lyanne thinks angrily. "You keep looking everywhere, kid," she tells Eren. "This place is still a sh--  _ hell _ hole. It's a  _ hell _ hole."

"Your place is… sad." Mikasa says.

Lyanne can't help but laugh. "Yes, it is. It's falling apart."

Eren shakes his head. "I don't think that's what Mikasa meant."

"What then?" She raises an eyebrow as she looks Eren in the eye.

"There's  _ nothing _ in here."

Lyanne ignores him and looks at Armin. "Better fix that before Lia comes. That's  _ hers _ ."

"She can read?" Armin asks excitedly.

Can Lia read? Fucking  _ certainly _ . It's all she does nowadays.  _ Read _ . Blythe said one time that she wanted to watch. Watch? Watch what?

"She can." She answers, feeling like something just hit her head. She sits down in the living room, breathing heavily.  _ Like Blythe?  _ She thinks.

"Can she teach me? Does she know about the sea?"

Sea? Of course, Lia knows about the  _ sea -- _

  
  


_ 'A man, pointing out at the edge of the sea. Sand. He's angry. He's mad. He's vicious. _

_ "-- enemies --" _

_ The scene fades into white until there's laughter, people screaming in delight and the warm breeze and waves-like sound that turns into lullaby --' _

  
  


"Get out of my house!" Lyanne yells. " _ Now! _ "

All of the kids widen their eyes and scramble by running outside. Eren gives her one last look of panic before Lyanne snarls, " _ Go _ ."

Someone -- Mikasa, most likely -- closes the door. That is when Lyanne throws up. She feels her chest heaves and stomach turn. Her head hurts to the point she wants to smack it against the wall.

**_It's not your responsibility, not anymore._ **

"God,  _ shut up _ ." She hisses. "Shut up! Shut  _ up! _ "

Maybe, Lia is right. Maybe she's insane.

  
  
  
  


\-----

  
  
  
  


The next day, Eren still watches them from afar.

"A daredevil." Lia comments as she watches Eren by the window. "Didn't you say you yelled at them yesterday?"

Lyanne told them what happened and her… sudden memories. They need to know what triggers it and if the voice and the memories are connected somehow but they came up with nothing. And it's not like any of it makes sense. The memories are hazy and the voice… the voice  _ only _ says one thing.

"Why don't we just drop Eren off in their house? This can't possibly be healthy with the child." Blythe says.

Lyanne and Lia both roll their eyes. Yes, that's Blythe for you. The voice of reasons.

The three of them step outside their house. Lyanne pushes Blythe to talk to Eren, while Lia whistles away.

" _ Me? _ " Blythe whines. "I wasn't the one who yelled at him!"

Lyanne just nods at her.

Blythe sighs and walks towards Eren. She talks kindly, she can tell. Eren is looking at her like he's seeing someone for the first time. After a minute, Blythe and Eren are walking together.

"Okay, let's go." Eren says.

Lia snorts as she walks away and Blythe follows her. Lyanne is  _ left _ with Eren.

"I--" he starts.

But Lyanne cuts him off. "Don't talk. Let's just go."

Being  _ with  _ Eren is one of her worries. The voice gets louder when he's around. Not that it matters. Eren refuses to listen, and it's not like the voice will tell her anything else except,  _ it's not your responsibility _ .

"That's not where I live!" Eren exclaims. He rushes towards Lia and Blythe. "We go here!" he points in the right direction before bringing them into his house. "My mom is there and probably Mikasa. Armin is with his grandfather."

"You got a dad?" Lia asks.

"Yes, he's a doctor."

Lyanne feels her stomach drop.

"A doctor, huh? Maybe, he can diagnose us." Lia chuckles.

"Why? What's wrong with you?" Eren asks, confused.

Blythe nudges her with her elbow. "Don't confuse the kid."

"I'm just saying," Lia is still chuckling when she turns her head towards Lyanne. "Right, Ly -- what's wrong?"

Lyanne  _ feels _ sick. Eren's dad is a doctor. Why is that important?

**_Not your responsibility_ ** **,** the voice says, in an echo.  **_Don't. Don't._ **

"I'm just hungry." She forcefully smiles. "Hopefully, Eren's mother will feed us."

"She will! She's a good cook." Eren giggles.

They reach Eren's house and he knocks excitedly. When the door opens, Lyanne sees a woman with long, black hair and a gentle smile.

"Hello!" She greets. Lyanne looks  _ at _ Blythe. She feels like she has to and --

Blythe looks like she's seeing something else. Like she's not there, at all.

"-- Eren has told me about you! Come in!"

"Ah --" Lyanne starts, wants Blythe to be away from here but Lia beats her to it.

"Sorry. Blythe wants some fresh air. Lyanne can go first." Lia skillfully reasons out. She grabs Blythe and walks as far as they can go.

Lyanne enters the house, bringing a confused Eren and his mother. "Sorry, Eren's mother --"

"Carla, dear. My name is Carla."

She hopes her smile doesn't look as forceful as she feels it is because,  **_I told you! It's not your responsibility! Not anymore! Get out!_ **

"Okay, Carla."

Carla brings her to a seat and she looks around. Eren looks at her excitedly. "What?"

"My mom is beautiful, right?"

Lyanne smiles. This… she can say truthfully. "Yes, she's very beautiful."

**_NOTYOURRESPONSIBILITYNOTYOURRESPONSIBILITYNOTYOURRESPONSIBILITY_ **

Lyanne's smile falters. Blythe must feel worse right now.

Eren tilts his head. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. Just feeling a little under the weather. How about we come back next time, Carla?" She says as she stands up.

Carla comes back from the kitchen. "Are you sure? I'm still cooking. Maybe food can help."

"No, it's fine."  **_NOTYOURREAPONSIBILITYNOTYOURRESPONSIBILITYNOTYOURSNOTYOURSNOYYOURSNOYOURS._ ** "I really don't think I could stay."

  
  
  
  


\-----

  
  
  
  
  


As it is, Blythe did feel worse.

Not only was the voice loud, she saw… memories.

"It felt really vivid but something was going to happen. There was a  _ rock _ or something and I was screaming then another one, I don't know if they're connected but a kid was running away, crying! I don't know! I don't know! Please, I want  _ it  _ to stop!"

"You said we needed to save Carla, Blythe. You said --"

"Yes!" Blythe grabs Lia's shoulders, hard. "Yes! I don't know why! But we have to!"

"Is something going to happen to her?" Lyanne asks, a rock, screaming and crying. There's also the fact Lyanne doesn't feel comfortable about Eren's dad being a damn doctor.

"I don't know. B- but -- we  _ have  _ to. Okay? We have to." Blythe sobs. " _ Please _ …"

"Okay, Bee, we -- we will, okay? Stop crying. Tomorrow, we will go there, okay? Shh,"

Lyanne watches as Lia comforts Blythe and sees Lia's knee bounces. She's anxious, too. For Blythe or for something else?

When Blythe falls asleep, Lia and Lyanne go to the kitchen and drink tea. Tea is a generous description. It's only dry leaves with hot water.

Lyanne puts down Lia's cup and asks, "You know something."

Lia looks at her. "What?"

"You're  _ anxious. _ Different from Blythe or from me. But you are."

Lia looks down at her cup. Touches the rim and says, "I think… We need to steal one of those things Military Police has."

"Privilege? Arrogance?"

Lia shakes her head. "Funny." She snorts. "No. Like, the 3D Maneuver gear."

Lyanne sighs. "Lee --"

"No, listen. I think we should. See, Blythe is seeing a fucking tragedy. And it involves Eren's mother, somehow. Then you, you looked like you wanted to be anywhere else when Eren opened up about his father. I don't know what's happening but I would feel better if we have something to protect ourselves."

"And it has to be the gear?" Lyanne asks.

"I know I can use it." Lia says. "Don't ask why but I know."

There are moments that Lyanne feels she doesn't know who she is or who she's with. Like right now, this is a different Lia from what she normally is. Lia has always been indifferent looking, says more jokes and says less of what she feels. Except today.

"Worse comes to worse, we get away from here." Lia says. "I know Blythe wants to save Carla but… if it comes down to it, I'll save you and Blythe." She frowns. "The voice is already telling us it's not our responsibility. Then maybe it is not. Maybe we should listen to the voice."

"We cross the bridge when we get to it." Lyanne replies, weakly. She puts down her cup and leans back. "You should take a rest."

"Rest…" Lia laughs humorlessly as she drowns in her tea. "I wish I could. Nowadays, I just feel like I'm counting the days before everything goes to shit."

And you know what, that's true.

  
  
  
  
  


\----

  
  
  
  
  


The next day isn't any better.

As soon as Lyanne wakes up, Lia is nowhere to be found and Blythe is begging Lyanme to take her to Carla's and Eren is outside the door, knocking.

" _ Shit _ , of all days." she mutters.

She's sure Lia is stealing the gear from Military Police right now. She badly wants to go and stop her but --

"Lyanne? Let's go?" Blythe asks.

She grits her teeth. When Lia comes home, she'll fucking get it. She takes Blythe's hand and walks towards the door. She opens it and sees Eren and Mikasa.

Eren smiles excitedly. "Hi! Oh, is Blythe okay?"

"I'm fine." Blythe pats his head. "Hello, Mikasa."

"Hello." Mikasa says quietly.

Blythe follows Eren and Mikasa while Lyanne is locking the house. Not that there's anything to lock. She looks around, hoping to find Lia but she gives up. Lia will just have to admit she's wrong this time and let Lyanne nags her and -- 

\-- she feels her heart races.

_ What the fuck? _ She thinks as she looks around and sees a man with glasses. Which is funny because he looks averagely looking but he looks exactly someone she knows.

_ Eren _ , Lia's voice from the very first time they saw him.  _ Eren _ . A curse. A prayer. A mantra. He looks exactly like Eren.

_ My dad is a doctor _ , he said.  _ Titans. The walls were created for them, to protect us. _

To protect who?

**_It's not your responsibility anymore. Don't follow. Don't go. Not anymore. Don't. Don't. Don't._ **

**_No._ **

**_No._ **

**_No._ **

**_Nonononononono._ **

She suddenly had an idea that made all of her instincts revolt.

_ Follow him. _

**_DON'T FOLLOW HIM. IT'S NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY ANYMORE._ **

**_NO NO NO._ **

**_DON'T GO!_ **

**_DON'T GO!_ **

**_NO NO NO!_ **

Lyanne does exactly the opposite of that.

She follows him.

  
  
  
  
  


\-----

  
  
  
  
  


What Lyanne has seen is trees.

A lot of  _ trees _ .

The voice doesn't stop talking in her head either. Talking about how this is not her responsibility and how she shouldn't go.

**_Don't go._ **

**_Don't go._ **

**_Don't go._ **

In other news, she's shocked on how long this man could walk. From morning  _ until _ evening, he doesn't stop. Not like she's any better, she kept following him. As time goes by he's starting to look like he's carrying something heavy, like a boulder or something.

Lyanne is about to give up when she sees it's still a bunch of trees until there's a big building she sees from afar.

She hides behind a tree and blinks.  _ A chapel? _

The man enters the chapel and she's about to follow him when the voice speaks again.

**_Are you trying to sacrifice yourself?_ **

"That's new…" she murmurs. She follows the man inside, careful not to make a noise. She opens the door to the chapel and sees the man open a door on the floor. Her eyes widen and she quickly closes the door.

**_Are you sure this is what you want?_ **

She runs off somewhere in the trees and hides.

**_Are you trying to sacrifice yourself?_ **

She holds her head and bows. Lia has said it before, too. That they should listen to the voice.

**_Are you sure this is what you want?_ **

But what if the voice is asking what she fucking  _ wants _ . What, then?

She doesn't know how much time passes where she's staring at nothing and keeps hearing the voice in her head. Even her consciousness is fading away. Things don't feel real anymore. She wants to look at herself in the mirror, and sees her face. If she still looks the same. If she's  _ really  _ Lyanne but she's scared she won't see a thing.

The chapel door opens and the man she followed walks out, a steam coming out of his body.

  
  


_ 'Muffled screams and begging for help can be heard from a distance. A sound of explosion can be heard, another scream, another cry. _

_ But she can't stop it.' _

**_Are you trying to sacrifice yourself?_ **

The man walks off and Lyanne follows her even if her sight blurs.

**_Are you sure this is what you want?_ **

"I killed… even the children…" the man says.

**_Are you sure this is what you want?_ **

"Crushed them… with these hands…"

**_Are you sure this is what you want?_ **

"The feeling of my hand…"

**_AREYOUSURETHISISWHATYOUWANT?_ **

" _ EREN! _ "

_ '"EREN!" muffled as it was but she could hear exactly what it said. Eren _ .

_ But why is the voice calling for Eren? _

_ The terrified screams continue. The crying, the begging, it doesn't stop until it does. And it stops, altogether. _

_ Until it stops. _

_ There's no one there anymore.' _

**_Are you sure this is what you want?_ **

"--eke--"

_ No, _ she answers to the voice as she watches as the man cries again.  _ This is not what I want. _

What she wants is to live peacefully with Lia and Blythe, where there are only flowers, plants, cats, dogs and the sea. Where there's no pain, no suffering.

Where they don't hear voices.

Where they don't see memories.

_ But this is what I have to do _ , she thinks before she tackles the man to the ground, wraps her hands around his neck and chokes him.

**_Are you trying to sacrifice yourself?_ **

The man struggles but Lyanne has to do this. She doesn't know where the want to murder this man is coming from but she has to.

She has to because --

"Save -- Eren. Armin. Mikasa. Save --  _ Save _ \--"

The man's eyes widen and scrambles to get Lyanne off of him. He wheezes and coughs and Lyanne is about to attack him again when he grabs her hands first and screams, "Wait! Wait! What did you say?!"

She breathes heavily, and looks at the man. Yes, she heard that before, that she has to save Eren, Armin and Mikasa.

"Save Eren, Armin and Mikasa. Save. Save.  _ Save. _ "

"Why? Why are you saying that? Who are you?" The man's voice raises. He grabs her shoulders and yells at her. "WHY?! WHY?!"

Lyanne opens her mouth but she can't hear what she said. Or does she know what it is. All she knows is that she answers, and the man looks defeated.

"This is not… this is not part of what I saw…"

"Stop Eren." Lyanne murmurs. The man whips his head towards her, eyes wide, mouth open. "Save Eren. Armin. Mikasa."

She's no longer in control of her body anymore. At this point, what is left is a shell.

"It doesn't have to be Eren." The man says, laughing. "It doesn't have to be my son." His laughter turns into cries. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry… I'm sorry it has to be you."

Lyanne watches him as he pulls out a key and puts it in her hand.

"Take this key and hide it from Eren. I promised him that I'll show him what's inside the basement. But it doesn't matter now." He breathes deeply. "But you must --"

**_Are you trying to sacrifice yourself?_ **

The man takes a box that was beside him and opens it.

A needle and a small bottle.

**_Are you trying to sacrifice yourself?_ **

He puts the liquid of the small bottle in the needle and he never stops crying. "This will cause some memory loss. But the power that this will give you is --"

**_Are you trying to sacrifice yourself?_ **

The man injects the liquid in her arm. His hands are shaking.

"It will be a long, hard road but you must reach its end!" The man says as his hand which is holding her arm tightens. "It has to be  _ you _ to --"

**_Are you trying to sacrifice yourself?_ **

Lyanne sees a memory, as her body grows warmer. Hotter. She doesn't know why she feels like someone is cutting her into millions of pieces and she wants to scream, to beg anyone to help but nothing is coming out of her mouth.

**_Are you trying to sacrifice yourself?_ **

_ 'Muffled screams in the distance, numerous explosions and people crying and begging for help. _

_ "--REN!" A voice yells, horrified. Muffled. Too far. "RE-ANNE!" A different voice this time, but as terrified and scared as the first one. Deeper. Closer. "Lyanne!"' _

In a different time, this is not where this man will die.

**_Are you trying to sacrifice yourself?_ **

**_If you are,_ **

**_Close your eyes._ **

She closes her eyes.

**_And open your mouth._ **

And everything turns into black.


	3. That Day - Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cried while writing this chapter. and it ruined my whole mood for tonight lol idk how isayama does it idk how hes surviving who is his therapist and may i get the number i beg

_'A place she doesn't know. A place that she feels like shouldn't exist. And she's there right now, breathing heavily and scared. But she's there._

_A voice. "I know, I'm asking for too much--"_

_If you know you are, then don't ask!_

_"But you're my only hope. Our only hope --"_

_A sustained, ringing tone that starts from low rumbling to a piercing screech rings in her ears. It stops and she hears a voice that says,_

_"When there is fear, there's courage. When there's hardships, there's hope."_

_What does it sound familiar?_

_She blinks, and this time, she sees a mouth, bloodied as it is, smiles at her._

_And this time, she --'_

  
  


She blinks awake as she hears a voice that says, "Wake up, wake up, come on," she opens her eyes and sees a mouth, smiling at her.

"Didn't you have blood in your mouth?"

"Huh?" The person asks. "What are you talking about?"

"Nevermind." She groans. Because… What is she _talking_ about? Why does this person's mouth have to be bloody? That makes no sense. She looks at the person in front of her. Brown hair that's shoulder length. She's bending down to watch her.

"Hmm? Is there anything you want to say?"

_Is there?_ "No. Nothing. Excuse me, but where are we?"

"See, that's why I woke you up because I don't know either. It looks like we're going to get some wood but the thing is… I don't know who you are." She stands up straight and offers her hand to her. "I have a feeling you might be the same."

_No shit,_ she thinks to herself in panic. Why wouldn't she _know_ who she is?

"-- HEY! HEY!" A voice yells. "Hey! You! Both of you!" A woman is running towards them. She stops when she reaches them, breathes in deeply before saying, "I thought you guys are going to get water. Imagine my surprise when someone said they saw you guys in the forest instead."

_Who are you?_ is what she wants to ask but the one with the brown hair ends up blurting out, "We were supposed to get water?" Brown Hair ends up looking at her.

"I…" she frowns. Because Brown Hair is right. It has to be wood. She feels like it should. "Wood. I'm sure it was wood."

The other woman who just came smiles. Or tries to smile because it doesn't look natural as much as she wants it to be. "It was water. We got an adequate amount of wood in the house. Bring that back, anyway. I'll help with the water."

"We have a house?" She blurts out. "Whoa, a house?" Good to know she's not homeless. She looks at Brown Hair.

"As it turns out, yes." Brown Hair shrugs.

"What the fuck..." she mutters.

The other woman scowls. "You don't know you live in a house?"

She answers, "No! I don't! I do?"

"You don't remember?" The other woman prods on.

She shakes her head.

To Brown Hair, the other woman asks, "Do you remember?"

"No, but I could try, if you want."

The other woman looks as confused as she feels. "My name is Lyanne. We live in the same house. I think people thought I'm your mother."

Brown Hair snorts. "You look too young."

_Is that an insult?_ She wants to ask but doesn't.

Lyanne ignores what Brown Hair said. Instead she replies, "Get back with me. To the house. We have to… discuss something."

They follow her. Lyanne takes some of the wood Brown and her got. She wants to ask Lyanne if they're near the house when they see a fight happening in an alleyway.

Kids.

"Bully...ing?" She says, tilts her head. Because… Why does this look familiar? She watches as Brown Hair walks towards the fight and Lyanne tries to stop her. Brown Hair doesn't stop until she starts ripping kids at each other and throwing against the floor or the wall.

Except for one kid. And Brown Hair says the kid's name, " _Eren_."

She feels her stomach turn and her throat burns. Her eyes roll at the back of her head and --

_'There's a boat. And a kid. There are people with him there. Hundreds of them. The boat feels a lot like a funeral. The kid in particular feels angry._

_"--ILL -- -LL!" The sentence doesn't make sense nor does it ever feel like it's real._

_It's not real._

_It's not_ **_your responsibility anymore_ ** _._ '

She throws up. Lyanne is on her as soon as this happens, "Hey! Shit! You okay?"

"Sorry, I--"

"It's fine. Don't worry. Can you stand up?" Lyanne helps her, but she still feels a little tender to her core. Lyanne turns around a bit to tell Brown Hair something. She doesn't know what Brown Hair does but she can hear a faint childish _eek_.

"Hey! Let's go!" Lyanne exclaims, frantically.

"It's... not..."

Lyanne looks at her. "What?"

"It's… not… our… responsibility… anymore…"

Lyanne looks shocked. "You, too?"

She chuckles because this is somehow funny. Like group insanity or something. But she feels her stomach turn so she doubles over and curses, "Fuck."

  
  
  
  


\---

  
  
  
  
  


When they actually reach the 'house' which is technically not a house, but she's just happy that she could take a rest because her stomach really hurts, a woman in her late forties sees them and says, "Oh, Blythe and Lia are here. No water? Where did they go? For nothing?"

Lyanne awkwardly laughs as she opens the door and makes them follow her inside.

If the outside is… _unique_ , the inside is no better.

_Lia_ , hopefully, she's right about that, helps her sit and sits down next to her. Lyanne sits across them and sighs. They all look at each other, trying to maintain the very uncomfortable silence they have.

Then, Lyanne says, "You felt that, right? The voice and the… memory…"

"The one with the boat?" Lia asks.

Blythe adds. "And the one who says it's not our responsibility?"

"Yes," Lyanne says while nodding.

"Maybe, we're just insane." Lia leans forward and shrugs. "I mean, it's not that far-fetched. This place is like Satan's butthole."

Lyanne chuckles but worry is evident in her face. "I wish we were insane."

_But we aren't,_ she thinks. "But how can you explain those things we just experienced?" Blythe asks. She grabs her stomach as it turns again.

Lia turns to her. "You okay?"

"I'm fine." Blythe smiles, she feels like it's forced but her feelings are genuine. "Just… I don't know. I feel anxious about something. Like, we need to do… I don't know what. But we have to do it."

"Like what?" Lia raises an eyebrow. 

"I don't know." Blythe whines, she doesn't mean to act so childish. "I don't know. I can't explain it either. But we have to do it. We have to."

Lyanne shakes her head a little and sighs. "Maybe we're just tired. Listen, go and take a rest. I don't think we have an appetite for dinner." 

"Speak for yourself." Lia says as she stands up and goes to the kitchen. "I'm hungry." 

She knows Lia is doing this for her. Abs Blythe welcomes the pampering. "Can you make me soup, Lia? My stomach still hurts."

"Yeah. How about you, pseudo-mother?" 

Lyanne chuckles. "Yeah, sure. We got food there? You know what, get out. Let me cook. I don't trust your cooking."

She wants to believe they'll be okay, even if there are a lot of puzzle pieces still lingering around them. She has two people with her who cares about her, it's fine.

It's fine. It has to.

  
  
  
  


\----

  
  
  
  


Lia climbs one of the trees and Blythe watches her as she does.

"You said you don't care about Eren." Blythe says, with an eyebrow raises. "What's this, then?"

"There are three kids now," Lia grunts as she finally reaches the only apple in the entire forest. "So, my care added up."

Blythe rolls her eyes. But she has to say, the weather is nice today. The wind is warm and the sun doesn't feel too hot. It's just _right._ "You know," she murmurs. Lia is going down slowly from the tree. "This feels like a lot like the calm before the storm."

Lia cleans the apple with her shirt. She looks at her and says, "Aren't you a positive-thinker."

"Say what you want but you have to admit we're in a weird state." Talking voices in their heads, unclear memories, no recollection of who they are? Isn't that a recipe for disaster?

"You're _way_ negative. Just be like me, take it one step at a time."

" _One_ of us has to think for our future." She mutters. She helps Lia bring the wood she collected before climbing a tree.

They walk on the way to their home when their nosy neighbor -- Paula, her name is -- catches them.

"Hey, Lia, Blythe, going home?"

"Yes." Blythe answers, innocently. "By the way, Paula, remember what you told us before, about the King… King Fritz, was it?"

"Yes, what about him?"

Blythe smiles. "Is he helpful to the people? He's the King, right? He must be so kind."

Paula frowns. "Well, no, not really. We never really saw him, actually. He's just… _there_."

Blythe feels her blood boils. Fucking _monarchs._ They should just abolish that system. Or actually just kick the current King and bring another who is not useless.

Lia clears her throat. "How about the titans?"

Paula shivers when Lia says the word Titans. "What about them?"

"What do they look like?"

"Why would you ask what titans look like? They're just tall! Too tall! They are ugly and they eat people. The only person who can kill them accurately is Humanity's Strongest Soldier."

Lia blinks. "Who?"

"Captain Levi of the Survey Corps." Paula says, annoyed. "He's the best at killing them. Only if they don't waste our money, they'd probably be well liked." Paula clicks her tongue.

Lia and Blythe look at each other and decide not to say anything.

They reach their house, waving a goodbye to Paula, and Lia pushes the apple in Blythe's hands. "Give this to them."

"Why _me_?"

Lia just shrugs and pushes Blythe.

Blythe throws the apple at Eren, who looks shocked. "Share that."

Lia doesn't say anything but who would believe her that she doesn't care about the kids?

Lia and Lyanne bicker at the door and Blythe just sighs as she follows them inside.

"You did well." Lyanne says with a smile.

"Titans." Lia chuckles without actually meaning it.

She feels disgusted just by saying this. " _Monarchs_."

Lia walks to the window and checks outside. "Eren is still here. Seriously, what is up with this kid?"

Blythe would like to answer but she feels it's too hypocritical of her to say anything when something is _wrong_ with her, too. So instead, she goes to the wood and arranges it.

"I'm going to cook." Lyanne announces.

Blythe asks. "To feed Eren?"

Lia snorts. "Of course, to feed Eren. What else?"

Lyanne doesn't reply to them but Blythe thinks the slap at the back of Lia's head is enough.

  
  
  
  


\----

  
  
  
  
  


When Blythe and Lia come back from getting some water, they find Lyanne lying down on the floor beside her vomit.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Lia asks as she throws everything she's holding. "Are you okay?"

Blythe goes to the kitchen and takes some rags. She starts cleaning the floor.

Lia helps Lyanne up and makes her sit in the chair. She brushes the hair in Lyanne's face as Lyanne slowly opens her eyes and the frown on her face gets harder.

"Are you okay?" Lia asks.

"I yelled at the kids."

Lia cups Lyanne's face. "Hey, Ly, I need you to listen to me. _What happened?_ "

"Had a vision." She murmurs.

"What's the trigger?"

"Sea." Lyanne answers weakly. Then, she tells them what she can remember and what happened to the kids.

"They probably went home, Ly. It's okay." Blythe says, tries to make her voice as comforting as possible. She pats Lyanne's back and Lyanne leans forward to hug Blythe's middle.

"I'm tired…" Lyanne mutters. "We all are, right?"

**_It's okay._ **

Blythe shivers.

**_It's okay._ **

Blythe tightens her hold to Lyanne. Is what okay? What _is_?

  
  
  
  


\----

  
  
  
  
  


The next day, Eren still comes back and they all decide to just drop him off at their house.

But of course, her emotionally stunted women will push Blythe to talk to the kid she didn't even upset. She rolls her eyes and goes, anyway.

"Hey, Eren. I heard Lyanne yelled at you yesterday. She was just… _tired_ and a little bit sick but she didn't mean it, okay?"

Eren looks at her, with his puppy dog eyes and nods. He stands up and walks together with her.

Lia doesn't give Eren any attention and Blythe nudges her with her elbow. "What?"

Blythe snickers. "You care about Eren~ you don't have to hide it."

"I'm not hiding anything! I--"

"That's not where I live!" Eren exclaims suddenly that makes them jump. He starts to point at directions and starts talking about his family and friends.

"You got a dad?" Lia asks.

"Yes, he's a doctor."

Lia gives Blythe a look. "A doctor, huh? Maybe, he can diagnose us."

"Why? What's wrong with you?" Eren asks.

"Don't confuse the kid." Blythe hisses as she nudges her with her elbow again.

Lia is still laughing. "I'm just saying. Right, Ly --" She turns her head and Blythe follows her. "What's wrong with you?"

"I'm just hungry." Lyanne lies. "Hopefully, Eren's mother will feed us."

Eren excitedly then talks about his mother.

They reach Eren's house and he knocks excitedly that Blythe can't help but smile at him. The door opens and it reveals a woman.

A woman with long black --

  
  


_'-- hair underneath a boulder and surrounded by a house destroyed. She looks utterly defeated and afraid. She's bloody and she's asking for help, help, help --_

_And a broken voice that yells "MOM!" While a kid is running away._

_Nothing is clear, however. The images she sees are glitching, like they're not supposed to be seen._

_But she does.'_

**_It's okay. It's okay. It's okay._ **

**_You can't save her._ **

**_You can't save her._ **

**_You can't save her._ **

She's sure Lyanne and Carla are talking about something but she's only aware of exactly what is happening when Lia drags her away.

"What's wrong, Bee, you okay?"

She doesn't blink, she's not even focusing on anything in particular. She just breathes deeply, in slow phases. "I -- we have to save _her._ "

**_You can't save her._ **

" _Who?_ "

Blythe looks at Lia, and she feels her eyes moisten. " _Eren's mother_." She chokes out. "I know -- I know it was her --"

"What _is_? Hey, Bee! Let's go home --"

**_You can't save her._ **

Even if that's the case… if Blythe can't, then who _will_?

  
  
  
  
  


\---

  
  
  
  


Blythe finds out her name is Carla. Eren's mother. _Carla_.

A beautiful woman, with long, black hair and a yellow-ish pair of eyes.

She's really beautiful, she seems lovely. She seems exactly the kind of person that needs to be in this world.

She has to save her.

**_You can't save her._ **

She _will_.

  
  
  
  
  


\----

  
  
  
  
  


It doesn't surprise her to find out Lia is gone. She's always been someone that takes _I should have roots instead of feet if I'm not allowed to leave_ , seriously. But Blythe has a feeling this time, it's not just about her being free to do what she wants.

Lyanne seems pissed about it, though.

"We're still going to Carla's, right?"

**_You can't save her._ **

"Yes… Blythe, are you sure you're okay? You're pale."

"Yes, I'm fine. Just a little anxious." Blythe honestly answers.

**_You can't save her._ **

Eren knocks get persistent. Lyanne opens the door and he seems happy enough to see them. His face starts to get worried when he sees Blythe. "Is Blythe okay?"

Blythe pats his head. "I'm fine." And to Mikasa, she says, "Hello, Mikasa."

**_You can't save her._ **

Eren excitedly walks with them and starts telling them how much excitement his mother has been exhibiting. He says something funny and Blythe looks at Lyanne if she finds it funny too, except no one is there.

**_You can't save her._ **

"Where's Lyanne?" Eren asks.

"Wasn't she with us just a moment ago?"

Blythe reassures the kids. "Don't worry. She probably just saw something shiny and followed it. She'll be back." Or lie, more accurately.

Eren doesn't look comfortable about this. He sighs. "I was really looking forward to spending this day with you, Lia and Lyanne."

Blythe giggles. "You'll have more time later. I promise."

They reach Eren's house and Blythe officially meets --

  
  


**_You can't save her. You can't save her. You can't save her. Youcantyoucantyoucant._ **

  
  


\-- Carla.

"Blythe, right?" She grins at her. She cleans her hand with a cloth before hugging Blythe. "I heard so much about you. From Eren, obviously."

_"Mom!"_

"Was it supposed to be a secret?"

" _Mikasa!_ "

If this was a normal day, Blythe can imagine smiling and enjoying this company. But she's a woman with a talking voice in her head.

**_You can't save her. You can't save her. You can't save her. Youcantyoucantyoucantyoucant._ **

"Actually, I'm about to finish cooking. How about you fetch Armin?" Carla asks. "And also how about Lyanne and…"

"Lia." Mikasa finishes.

Carla smiles softly. "Yes, Lia."

"I could help you." Blythe blurts out. "I mean, Eren and Mikasa--"

"No, no. Armin would like to see you there, too."

**_You can't save her. You can't save her. You can't save her. You can't save her._ **

Eren starts to drag Blythe out of the house when she gives Carla one last look.

"I promise we'll be back."

Carla smiles. No. She _smiles._ "Of course, you are."

**_You can't save her._ **

Eren drags Blythe away by holding her hand Mikasa follows them. He tells Blythe stories about Armin and his grandfather but Blythe's full attention is on Carla and how she wants to turn around and go back right now.

They reach Armin's house and Blythe finds Armin outside, already waiting for them.

"My grandfather is out at the moment but he said I could go if I want."

Blythe nods and she's about to leave when Armin just stares at her. She blinks. _Ah, right._

Blythe kneels down and opens her arms. "Would you like a hug, Armin?"

Armin slowly smiles and runs towards her to wrap his arms around her.

**_You can't save her._ **

A large explosion happens and she suddenly tightens her hold around Armin. She lets go a bit to look at Eren and Mikasa. She drags them both against her and --

Explosion. Screams. Cries.

For a moment, time seems to stop.

**_You can't save her._ **

There's an unusual feeling of terror in the wind when Blythe slowly looks up and sees an eye of a titan.

_Carla._

"We need to go to your mother now, Eren!" She exclaims. She stands up and runs. She looks behind her from time to time to make sure the kids are still following her. Armin falls down, she stops to help him and runs again.

She can't breathe. She can't breathe. She can't _breathe_.

**_You can't save her._ **

Carla is already underneath a boulder that seems to be the same size of her memories.

**_You can't save her._ **

**_Run._ **

**_Run._ **

**_Run._ **

**_Run._ **

" _No_ ." She whispers, terrified. "No!" Again, with more conviction. "No, no, no!" She runs towards Carla. Tries to push the boulder off her. Eren tries to walk towards them to help but. " _No,_ Eren. Run! Find an adult!" She screams at the kids as she tries to push the boulder to let Carla free. " _Now, Eren!"_ Blythe snaps.

Eren is frozen, however. Like he doesn't seem to believe what he's seeing.

"Mikasa!" She exclaims as she starts to dig this time. Maybe, they could pull Carla off that way. "Get someone, anyone! _Go!_ "

Mikasa's eyes are wide with tears in her eyes but she seems to get what needs to be done. She leaves.

"Eren," Carla starts. **_You can't save her. Run. Leave. You can't save her._ ** "Eren, you need to listen to Blythe. You need to go. Don't worry about me, Blythe is here. She'll help."

Carla is bloody, injured and afraid. But she doesn't let her son know about it. What a fucking _strong_ woman. Blythe can feel her tears fall.

She needs to _live._ Carla Jaeger needs to _live_.

**_You can't save her. You can't save her. You can't save her._ **

" _God damn it,"_ she hisses, in between her tears.. "God damn it!"

Mikasa comes running back to them with a man in tow.

"Hannes, take the kids. Please. Take them. I will be fine. Blythe is -- Blythe is helping." Carla tells the man.

Blythe can't even feel the pain in her hands because the pain in her chest is much stronger. More destructive. More explosive.

**_You can't save her. You can't save her. You can't._ **

Hannes picks up a screaming Eren and Mikasa. Armin gives Blythe a look.

" _Go!"_ Blythe snarls.

Hannes starts running when Carla says the most unexpected thing Blythe can hear.

"End it."

Blythe stops pushing. She feels cold, all of a sudden.

Carla smiles. " _Please_ , end it."

Blythe's face contorts as she sobs. Tears falling uncontrollably. Her chest hurts. She grabs a handful of her shirt. " _No_." She whimpers.

**_It's okay._ **

**_You can't save her._ **

**_It's okay._ **

Her hands are shaking as she wraps her hands around Carla's neck.

**_It's okay._ **

But she hears footsteps that's way too loud to be just for a normal person.

**_You can't save her._ **

Blythe doesn't know which one it would be: she ends Carla's suffering first or she dies in the hands of a Titan.

That's when Lia swings with a gear and grabs Blythe while she escapes.

Blythe feels her heart drops as she watches Carla being picked up by a Titan.

_Titans are ugly,_ Blythe watches in horror as the titan breaks Carla's back. _They eat people_. And as the Titan bites into her, Blythe screams the most wrenching scream she had ever let out.

**_It's okay._ **

The gear Lia is using suddenly stops working and they fall to a roof and they slide down the ground.

**_You can't save her._ **

Blythe can still hear Carla asking her to kill her, and can still see the scene where a Titan eats the strongest woman Blythe knows.

She grabs a handful of dirt and throws it away. "Fuck!" She screams. She punches the ground. " _Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"_ She keeps punching and punching until her hands bleed. "FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!" Her tears and snot fall down from cheeks to her mouth and she keeps punching and punching until Lia stops her.

"Enough! Enough, Blythe! Stop!"

"I'm so stupid! So fucking stupid! Useless! Fuck! _Fuck!_ "

"No, you're not! Stop!"

"I let her die! I let Carla die! Fuck! Fuck!" She struggles from Lia's hold but she successfully pushes Lia away. She starts to punch the ground again. She's angry -- furious -- can feel the hot, liquid running to her veins. To whom? She doesn't know. To herself, maybe. To the titan that killed Carla. To Carla who asked her to kill her. To the voice who knew she couldn't save Carla.

**_It's okay._ **

"Shut up! Shut the fuck up! _Enough! Enough!"_ She grabs a handful of her hair and pulls. " _Enough!"_

Lia gathers Blythe and embraces her. "It's okay, shh, it's okay."

She pushes Lia away, pushes and pushes until she grows tired. She cries, whimpers, says Carla's name like a mantra.

And wonders, _where did I go wrong?_

_Why me?_

_Why me?_

**_It's okay._ **

**_It's okay._ **

**_It's okay._ **

**_You can't save her._ **

"Come on, come on," Lia murmurs in her ears. "Blythe, we need to move. Remember? For the kids. For _Eren_."

Blythe breathes shakingly, as she stands up. Lia looks up at her. "Okay," she says. "Let's go."


	4. That Day - Part 3

_ 'There's nothing and for a moment, it seems to be endless. Her heart is on her throat before the light becomes too bright and a voice. _

_ A voice that says, "I know I'm asking for too much." _

_ And it echoes. Too loud. She wants to yell,  _ STOP TALKING _ but she can't. _

_ "But you are my only hope! Our only hope so please! Protect them!" _

_ Protect who? _

_ Protect them! Protect them! Protect them! Protect them! _

_ And the light is gone in an instant, and the dark swallows everything whole.' _

  
  
  
  


\-----

  
  
  
  
  


She wakes up with a groan and as she opens her eyes, and the first thing she sees is the sun.  _ It's too fucking bright _ , she thinks angrily. She shifts a bit, and slowly opens her eyes to find herself sitting on a root and leaning against a tree branch. She looks at her left and finds a girl. She seems to be around fifteen or sixteen and a bunch of wood in front of her.

_ Who is this? _ She asks herself. She wakes the girl up, with the red hair, and she asks  _ her _ where they are.

So… she doesn't know who she is, and the person she's with is in the same predicament.  _ Lovely _ , she thinks sarcastically. And then another woman comes running towards them, telling them they're supposed to get water.

If there's one thing Lia knows is that wood is the one they should be getting. It's  _ wood, _ it has to be.

The woman tells them to follow her and to go to  _ their _ house. They have a house. It sounds so funny how she's apparently living with two people and they got a home and she has no memories of them.

She follows the woman, and is about to ask her if they're already at least halfway there when they see a bunch of kids fighting in an alleyway.

It's still a bunch of kids until she sees a boy with emerald eyes and a black hair.

**_It's not your responsibility anymore._ **

Before she thinks about her decision, she walks over to the kids and rips and throws the rest of them except for the one with emerald eyes. And as their eyes meet, her vision blurs and a memory that's not hers comes to her mind.

_ 'Boats. Lot of it. Water. Everywhere. In one particular boat, there's a kid with anger that even she can feel against her skin and as he cries, he angrily says, "I… K--- ALL!" _

_ This is not her memory. _

_ This is not hers. _

**_It's not your responsibility anymore.'_ **

  
  


The woman yells at her that they need to leave because the one she was with looks like she's sick. She throws the kid away from her and feels something crawling in her skin. The kid looks at her with an indescribable look in his eyes. She says some nonsense and leaves.

She follows the other two and she finds out her name is either  _ Lia _ or  _ Blythe _ because of a neighbor who keeps bugging them about not getting water. She hopes she's the one named  _ Lia, _ it feels right.

When they get inside the 'house' which… It's awful to say this, but calling it house is putting it kindly. But it actually looks like a bunch of woods put together and prays it would stick. Anyway, when they get inside the house, they sit in the dining area and look at each other.

They discuss things they felt: apparently, they all heard a voice and saw a memory with the boat. She thinks they're just insane because with the house? And the whole place looked like a shithole? Blythe looks like she's constipated and she asks her what's wrong. She doesn't want to discuss this anymore. She jokes about cooking dinner and they call her  _ Lia _ and she breathes in relief in secret to getting the name she wants.

_ This isn't so bad _ ,  _ Lia _ thinks as she bothers Lyanne while cooking.  _ I could live with them. _

And isn't that a nice dream?

  
  
  
  
  


\-----

  
  
  
  


Usually, her routine is: find wood, get water and buy food. But today, it's find wood, get water, food  _ and _ climb a tree to get an apple.

"You said you don't care about Eren." Blythe comments as she takes the apple successfully and Lia murmurs a victory phrase. "What's this, then?"

Lia grunts as she tries to think on how to climb down the tree without jumping. "There are three kids now. So, my care added up."

Lia doesn't see it but she knows Blythe rolls her eyes. She rarely rolls them when she does, it's always something ridiculous. This  _ is _ not that ridiculous. "You know, this feels a lot like the calm before the storm."

Lia climbs down safely and cleans the apple with her shirt. She looks at Blythe and says, "Aren't you a positive thinker."

"Say what you want but you have to admit we're in a weird state."

_ Can't we be just insane _ ? Lia thinks.  _ Isn't that a nicer conclusion? _

Lia understands Blythe's anxiety. Waking up with no memories and hearing voices in your head can fuck someone up. She thinks of some answers. Maybe they got into an accident, maybe they're insane, maybe whatever it is, is bigger than they are.

And that's what's scary. What if it is bigger than they are?

As they go home, they find their neighbor, Paula, who greets them. Blythe asks Paula about the monarchy (and her weird hatred with them, seriously). Lia wants to roll her eyes but instead asks about the titans.

"-- eat people and the one who can kill them accurately is Humanity's Strongest Soldier."

_ Oh? _ "Who?"

"Captain Levi of the Survey Corps." She answers, slightly annoyed. "He's the best at killing them. Only if they don't waste our money, they'd probably be well liked."

Lia looks at Blythe, like she's saying,  _ do we believe this shit? _

They continue walking and find the three kids, watching their house. Lia pushes the apple towards Blythe and leaves her to give it to kids. She bickers with Lyanne when she gets inside the house and gives Lyanne a rundown on what they encountered.

Lia looks at the window and still see Eren. Lyanne says something about cooking.

_ For Eren? _ She wants to ask but Blythe beats her to it. So, she adds fuel to the fire even as she gets a slap at the back of her head.

_ Worth it. _

  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  


They find Lyanne lying down next to her vomit and Lia spines grow cold. She helps Lyanne up and asks what happened, said something about yelling at the kids -- who the fuck care about the kids? She asks Lyanne again and this time she answers, "Had a vision."

"What's the trigger?"

"The sea."

**_It's not your responsibility anymore._ **

No fucking shit, it's not.

Lia leaves Lyanne alone with Blythe while she goes to the kitchen to find a rag to clean the vomit.

" _ Shit _ ," she hisses. She's losing her purpose. She's here for them, for Lyanne and Blythe. Who the fuck cares about the kids?

**_It's not your responsibility anymore._ **

Damn right, it's  _ not _ .

She shouldn't care about the kids -- shouldn't give them an apple, shouldn't teach Armin to read, shouldn't tell Mikasa she'll teach her how to knit, shouldn't let Eren stay outside their house to stalk them. She shouldn't.

She  _ shouldn't. _

But saying and acting it are two different things, and one of them is harder to commit.

  
  
  
  
  


\----

  
  
  
  


The next day, they decided to drop Eren off by their house. Halfway, Eren talks about his father and Lyanne looks like she wants to be anywhere but where Eren's father is.

_ Eren is the trigger _ , she thinks. They have to get away from this kid --

\-- emerald eyes, who looks up to her like she's a blessing, who listens to every word she says and is happy to accept anything she gives him --

\--  _ somehow _ .

When they reach Eren's house, they meet Carla, his mother, and Blythe has an expression on her face that she knows something she shouldn't. She drags Blythe away where she tearfully tells Lia, "We have to save her."

Lia knows who she meant but it doesn't stop her from trying to clarify.

**_Protect them._ **

Who?

**_Protect them._ **

_ How? _

  
  
  
  


\-----

  
  
  
  
  


Blythe is still hysterical when they get home. When she falls asleep, Lyanne invites her for tea. She knows it's anything  _ but _ tea so when Lyanne puts down a cup in front of her and says, "You know something," she isn't that surprised.

"What?"

"You're anxious. Different from Blythe or from me. But you are."

"I think… We need to steal one of those things Military Police has." Lia replies.

"Privilege? Arrogance?"

"Funny." She snorts. "No. Like, the 3D Maneuver gear." 

Lyanne sighs. "Lee --"

"No, listen. I think we should. See, Blythe is seeing a fucking tragedy. And it involves Eren's mother, somehow. Then you, you looked like you wanted to be anywhere else when Eren opened up about his father. I don't know what's happening but I would feel better if we have something to protect ourselves."

"And it has to be the gear?" Lyanne looks like she'll do anything for Lia to not steal one.

"I know I can use it." Lia says, firm. "Don't ask why but I know."

Lyanne looks at her like she's seeing Lia for the first time.

She adds, "Worse comes to worse, we get away from here. I know Blythe wants to save Carla but… if it comes down to it, I'll save you and Blythe."  _ The world is too big for her,  _ Lia thinks. "The voice is already telling us it's not our responsibility. Then maybe it is not. Maybe we should listen to the voice."

"We cross the bridge when we get to it." Lyanne's voice is weak. "You should take a rest."

"Rest…" Lia thinks of that word like a joke. "I wish I could. Nowadays, I just feel like I'm counting the days before everything goes to shit."

She leaves Lyanne to  _ ' _ sleep'.

Before anybody wakes up, she leaves.

  
  
  
  
  


\-----

  
  
  
  
  
  


Lia follows two Military Police for  _ hours _ . She knows they want people to think they're patrolling the place but the fact they're drunk and laughing hysterically is not really convincing. These two have no gear she could steal but she's hoping they would run to someone with one.

Be careful of what you wish for because you might just get it.

An explosion happens somewhere and the ground vibrates so that some people fall down. There's a moment of silence before Lia can see properly what's going.

_ Titans are ugly _ , Paula had said.  _ And they eat people. _

This one is not particularly ugly, but it's certainly big and if the munching is an indication of it eating people, then that's exactly right.

It doesn't feel real for a moment, until it starts walking and an undeniable sound of  _ splat _ is heard.

It just fucking step on a human being, like people step on bananas.

What are human beings for these Titans?  _ Ants _ ?

Suddenly, a man with a gear that ended up looking like a spider comes swinging.

_ Is… that… Spider-ma-- _

What the fuck is a Spider-man?

The two Military Police Lia following are frozen on their spot while watching the… Spider-man as he swings near the titan. Iit looks like Spider-man is about to fight, but the titan suddenly raises its hand and slaps Spider-man like a bug.

And the bug lands near where Lia is standing on.

The bug looks half-dead.

_ Fuck _ , she thinks.

People start running everywhere, screaming, crying and that's when it hits Lia.

_ The walls are built against the titans.  _ But that wall is breached now. What happens, then?

What will happen if the very thing built to protect is now destroyed?

_ Fuck _ stealing one of the gears, they have to leave now.

Lia runs towards Spider-man and starts disassembling the gear off his body. He starts mumbling shit Lia can't understand until he says one last thing, "Tell… te… te...ll my…. Mom…  _ sorry _ …"

She ignores him. Maybe, Spider-man has a burden to carry but Lia has people to protect. She hurriedly wears the gear, it looks half destroyed already, she probably can't use it that much or else it will be useless later and everything she did to get it will be all for nothing.

Lia successfully wears the gear and is about to run when she hears screaming children. She sees one of the titans -- smaller, this one -- in one of the corners trying to take something. She runs towards it and finds the screaming children in the alleyway, trying to make themselves smaller in the dead end.

**_It has to be you._ **

"Shut  _ up _ ," she hisses to the voice. "I have other people I have to protect. I don't have time --"

Screams. Titan's grunting becomes louder.  **_Protect them._ **

_ Just this once,  _ Lia thinks.  _ Just this once, Lia _ .

With her heart in her throat, she activates the gear. One the wires ends up in the building next to the alleyway. She has to kill the titan, that's the only way. She grips her sword harder, and swings near the back of its neck and with her adrenaline running, she slices its nape and swings to the left to land in another building.

She's…  _ good _ at this. She didn't hesitate on any of her movements, like she has been doing this a long time. Her mind comes back to the present when she hears the crying children thanking her.

**_It has to be you._ **

She decides to run instead of using the gear. She already used it, she doesn't trust it's not gonna die on her.  _ Eren's house _ , her mind supplies. She needs to make sure Blythe and Lyanne are safe because that's what she should have been doing.

**_Protect them._ **

Everywhere she looks, there's chaos. The screams never stop, the cries too. Titans walking stomping people or eating them. Lia tries not to think as she ignores their pleas.

**_It has to be you._ **

When she reaches Eren's house, she sees Carla under a boulder, Blythe sitting besides her and a Titan standing over them.

**_Protect them._ **

She activates the gear, hopes she makes it in time and offers Carla a silent prayer.

**_It has to be you._ **

She swings and before the Titan can touch Blythe, she takes her away. Blythe screams in her arm, and she knows exactly what she's seeing but Lia has no time to care.

**_Protect them._ **

The gear dies on them, lands them on a roof and they slide down to the ground with a loud  _ bang _ . Lia is still trying to recover from the fall when Blythe starts punching the ground. She tries to stop her but to no avail. It's only when Lia says something about Eren that Blythe stops hurting herself.

**_It has to be you._ **

"Blythe, maybe Ere --"

"BLYTHE! LIA!" A voice yells and Lia looks at the direction of it and it's Eren, tears on his eyes and snot on his nose, running towards them. "BLYTHE! LIA!"

Mikasa and Armin are right behind him and a man with the Military Police uniform.

Eren reaches them and he hugs Lia's middle, Armin goes to Blythe while Mikasa watches them.

**_Protect them._ **

She frowns. "Who the hell are you?"

The man shakes his head frantically. "No time. Go to the boat, take care of them."

**_It has to be you._ **

Eren drags Lia and runs. When she looks back, Mikasa and Armin are dragging Blythe as well.

**_Protect them._ **

They manage to ride a boat before people pile up. Lia takes off the gear and throws it to the water.

"Lia?" Eren calls.

Lia breathes in. She looks back to see Eren, looking at her with his red-rimmed eyes. "Why weren't you on the boat?" She asks.

"Wha--"

"You should have gotten to the boat  _ way _ before us, Eren. And you were with a Military Police who knew the protocol.  _ Eren --" _

Eren's face distorts before he lunges on Lia to punch her in her stomach but Lia catches his fists before he could touch her. "BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID OF LOSING YOU, TOO!" He tries to set himself free. "I WAS AFRAID IF I GO TO THE BOAT, I WON'T SEE YOU AGAIN!" He's crying wet with tears. "I DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU!"

"I-- I didn't want to go to the boat either, Lia." Armin murmurs. "I'm sorry…"

"We couldn't go to the boat without you." Mikasa says, quietly. Her hand clenches.

Lia breathes in deeply. She kneels down to be on the same height as Eren. She gathers the kids and embraces them. There are no words she could say to these kids to make them feel better. She locks eyes with Blythe, who looks as devastated as she feels.

Suddenly, Eren asks, "Where's Lyanne?"

Lia sighs and lets go of them. "She's probably in a different boat." 

"What? But we didn't see her!" Eren's eyes are wide and he's about to say something again but Blythe cuts him off.

"Lyanne is strong. She won't go down easily." Blythe smiles sadly.

But it does nothing to Eren's nerves. For the first time, Mikasa shows emotions. It's evident on her face when she keeps looking around to find Lyanne, maybe, and Armin tries to stop his hand from shaking.

Lia doesn't know how she knows Lyanne is safe, she just does. She looks back at Shiganshina and feels something is wrong. She frowns as she leans forward to look closer.

Mikasa is on Lia, grabs her elbow before she could go further.

"What is it?" Armin asks.

Lia looks back at Blythe, who looks as confused as she is, and Eren, who stil looks like he's seen a ghost.

That's when they hear it: the footsteps; fast and heavy and suddenly something plunges through that completely destroys the thick gate.

Lia's eyes widen, cold sweat builds on her back.

The titan… it  _ destroyed _ the gate like it's some bread. What else could it do to a human being it could easily break?

  
  
  
  
  


\-----

  
  
  
  
  


When the sun is setting, and everybody has settled in, Blythe's head is laying on Lia's shoulder. Eren stands up all of a sudden and comes to the railing of the boat. The kids try to stop him but he shakes Armin off.

_ This feels familiar _ , Lia thinks as she grabs Blythe's hand.

That's when Eren yells, " _ LYANNE! WHERE ARE YOU? LYANNE!" _

That's… that's not how it should have happened.

There's an itch on Lia's skin as Armin and Eren argue.

"The titan--

"-- Lyanne --"

"-- it's dangerous --"

Eren leaves as he goes search in the boat,  _ again _ . Mikasa is about to follow him but Blythe says "Let him. If it makes him feel better."

Lia squeezes Blythe's hand as she lets Armin and Mikasa use her lap as a pillow.

Lia closes her eyes and breathes. Something is wrong. But she has no way of knowing what it is or if she wants to fix it.

  
  
  


\-----

  
  
  


When they reach Trost, it's already deep in the dark and Eren is too tired to ask about Lyanne. She has no explanation on how she knows that Lyanne has not become a Titan food, lying in the ditch somewhere or encountered the Titan that broke the gate, but she does and that has to be enough. The authorities give them blankets to use and Lia accepts and arranges it while Blythe and the kids talk.

"I'll join the Survey Corps." Eren decides. His voice is tired but it's firm so Lia knows he's serious.

"It's dangerous, Eren. And your parents already told you --"

"Don't try to convince me not to, Mikasa. My mind is made up!" Eren snaps. 

Lia finishes arranging the blanket when she turns around and finds Blythe patting Eren's head.

"I'll join, too. I owe your mother that much."

Eren's eyes shine, and he grabs Blythe's hand and promises, "I'll protect you."

_ Can you? _ Lia wants to ask but decides against. Instead, she tells the kids to sleep which is easy, because after five minutes, they sleep like a log.

"I know this isn't the time to ask, but on the boat…" Lia trails off.

Blythe nods. "I  _ know. _ "

So it isn't just her, that feels that something about it wasn't right.

"And there's also Lyanne." Blythe adds, looking at her. "We  _ know _ she isn't dead."

This time, Lia is the one who nods. "What does that mean?"

"I wish I knew." Blythe breathes. "Maybe, Carla would still be alive if I knew what is going on."

Lia grabs Blythe and hugs. "We had no choice, Bee. I'm sorry."

Blythe hugs Lia tighter and pushes face against her neck. She doesn't talk, but this is enough.

It has to be enough.

  
  
  
  


\-----

  
  
  
  


The next day, the authorities give them food but Blythe has no appetite and Lia is not really feeling like eating. They do force the kids to eat, though, and save the food they couldn't get through for later. Eren and Blythe are in one corner, talking silently, while Armin is with Lia, where she tries to spell things to him and how they're pronounced. Mikasa is sitting next to her. Occasionally, Lia will pat her head just to let her know she's there.

Night comes, Blythe and the kids are sleeping but Lia is not. Instead, she walks outside and goes to the courtyard. There are less people here than it does in the morning but one person in particular looks like they're drunk, swaying while walking and looks like they barely can stand up. They're very far from her but she squints her eyes to look at them closely.

Lia blinks.  _ Could it be…? _ She walks faster and sees the person clearer. The line of the body, the shape of their head -- it could only be --

"LYANNE!" Eren's voice rings in her ears and finds the kid running faster than her and hugs Lyanne.

Lia reaches Lyanne and she looks out of it; eyes out of focus and mumbling something that doesn't make sense. She checks Lyanne's for… something. Marks, maybe. Bruises in places that shouldn't be there.  _ None _ . She sighs in relief.

"Let's go, Ly. Eren, help me guide her."

Eren nods frantically as he holds Lyanne's hand and walks slowly. He wakes up Armin and Mikasa when they reach the space they were sleeping on. Blythe's eyes are wide and for the first time when they left Shiganshina, she smiles genuinely. Lia gently settles Lyanne in the blankets.

"Armin," Lia looks at the kid and he's already crying. "Hey, it's alright. Get some water, okay? We'll clean Lyanne before she takes some rest."

"I'll come with him." Mikasa says. "I-- I'll ask for food, too."

"Okay." Lia replies. She goes back to Lyanne who's still mumbling some nonsense. "Eren, I know you don't want to be far but we need more blankets."

Eren blinks. He really doesn't look like he wants to leave but -- "Okay! I'll be quick!"

When he does, Blythe is the one who asks it.

"Are you okay, Ly? What happened?" She brushes the hair out of Lyanne's face.

"...gu…me…"

"What?" Blythe asks again.

"It… guided me…"

"Who?" Lia asks at the same time Blythe says, "Guided you…"

"It… guided… me… there…"

"Guided you whe--"

"Blankets!" Eren exclaims. "I have them!"

Lia sighs but takes the blankets in his hands. "Thanks, Eren."

Few minutes later, Mikasa and Armin come with a bucket of water, a clean towel, and some bread. They clean Lyanne, feed her, and make her drink water. They lay down with Eren on Lyanne's left, Armin on her right. Blythe is beside Eren, and Mikasa is beside Armin and Lia is beside her. They're all hugging each other, snoring and occasionally snorting in their sleep.

Except Lia.

Lia is staring at the ceiling and doesn't even blink.

Because… Lyanne said  _ it _ guided her there but where did it lead her in the first place?

**_It has to be you._ **

Lia closes her eyes and puts her hands on her ears.

**_Protect them._ **


End file.
